Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts

10 April 2008

Obituary of a Legend


Maybe you've already seen this...

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment and the fine family dining communities.

The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Dough boy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Dough boy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Dough boy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Dough boy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

24 January 2008

Drug Problem

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?''

I replied, I had a drug problem when I was young:
I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, didnot speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word.
I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields.
I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place. ~author unknown~

19 January 2008

Republican vs. Democrat

Abner: I don't even know what a Republican IS!

Cletus: Well, a Republican sure isn't a Democrat!

Abner: Oh.

11 January 2008

Say NO to Mullets

I think one picture says it all... need I say more?

10 January 2008

Earrings and/or Mustache

Just say NO to earrings, guys...


...and the stash too!

Not too many can pull off a proper mustache these days (my dad does, except he doesn't sport one in this shot, and Sam Elliott).

05 September 2007

Baby Names and Married Names

My lovely knocked-up friend Georgia had a cute post on baby naming.

26 June 2007

I'm a Right Clicka

I know it's silly, but I have a thing for the Mac vs. PC commercials and now I have a favorite song for the week.

14 March 2007

Delaney & the Yummy Yunch

Delaney is here today playing with Piper. It's lunchtime...

Delaney: "I'm hungry. I want yunch."

Me: "You do? Well then, let's make some."

Delaney: "I want a yummy yunch."

Me: "I can do that. We have yummy food."

Delaney: "I DON'T want a yucky yunch. Yucky yunch is gross!"

Delaney's Yummy Yunch (not yucky yunch)
rolled up Black Forest ham sliced (that she unrolls and sticks on her forehead like Piper)
Dora the Explorer yogurt (she asks for a spoon then uses her finger to scoop out the top)
1/2 banana (no story with that one; bummer, isn't it?)
milk in a sippy cup (didn't want a regular cup)

14 November 2006

Just in Time for Winter

Not that you don't have a MILLION other things to do.

27 October 2006

Malarious

Take a gander at what my latest word means...
(to me anyway - since I made it up)
Malarious

05 October 2006

Jack = Rilli Fani

That's my BOY!
Jack got this note from a classmate today. In case you can't read the image...

Dear Jack,
You are
rilli fani
the grles
think you
are rilli fani
From, tyler

03 October 2006

Some People

Some people are like Slinkies...
Not really good for anything,
but they still bring a smile
to your face when you push
them down a flight of stairs.

18 August 2006

What I need...

I can copy like nobody's business (and can be quoted as saying such).

Therefore I am dittoing ~j's blog subject today. She googled her real first name and the word "needs" after it and came up with some interesting stuff. When I did it, this is what appeared:

LuckyRedHen needs...
help please donate
a manicure
a shower
her mother
a hand with her breasts
to be constantly highlighted
a hug
information on responsible sexual behavior
to redouble [her] efforts
to get over Scotty
you to understand that she's not trying to sleep with your boyfriend
to start going tanning
the business
to be more vigorously investigated
to step up and take a bit of responsibility for her actions
serious help!
to answer these questions to the public's satisfaction
the most work vocally
patient, loving parents who are familiar with the effects of neglect and abuse on children
to make her own way
some work before she can lead any song
to make a decision on t-shirt logos
to figure out how to get back to Oklahoma without being killed, married to a horse or losing her mind
to rest

20 April 2006

Lipstick Personality Test

The other night Sue & Lisa pulled out their lipsticks to compare shapes. Interesting how most lipstick wearers have one of the following shapes and there are personality traits that go along with each. See if they match yours...

CURVED - YOU ARE QUIET, sweet and well-behaved. You abide by the rules and do not like to cause trouble. You are not loud or obnoxious at all. You do not like being the centre of attention. The only exception is that you may color your hair occasionally, to attract attention from boys or fit in with a group of girls. You are very good at sticking to a schedule. You tend to be a follower rather than a leader in social groups. You are able to be alone and enjoy your own company. You can sometimes be self-conscious. You would like to learn to be more outgoing.

DULL POINT - YOU ARE LOVABLE, kind and affectionate. You are a family-oriented person who appreciates the comforts of home. You love to nest and it is important to you that your room reflects who you are. You like to be surrounded by the people who truly know and understand you. In fact, you need people around and you aren't into spending too much time alone if you can help it. You are a "doer" and you are excellent at starting and leading projects. You can give orders easily, so you tend to be a leader in social situations. You friends will follow you, even though you sometimes exaggerate your stories. You can be quite stubborn over little things.

ROUND - YOU ARE EASYGOING, relaxed and likeable. You have a calm and confident personality that draws many admirers, both male and female, to your side. People like to be around you and you have the potential to win many friends. You are a natural diplomat and you are good at being the peace-maker when your friends have arguments. Your friends trust you for advice. You are generous with your friends and you are very good at cheering up someone who is feeling blue. Your serene manner shows other people that you are self-assured and you like who you are.

FLAT - YOU ARE STRAIGHT-FORWARD, honest and intelligent. You don't like a lot of small talk. You are aware of your opinions and good at speaking your mind. You do not respect people who tell lies or exaggerate their stories. You are very dependable and even somewhat conservative. You are a keen thinker who loves challenges. You have the natural ability to do exceptionally well in academic situations. Your high morals lead you to disapprove of people who act immaturely or in a sleazy manner. You are careful about your appearance, from your clothes to the way you act in front of others. You want people to like you and need the approval of friends, family and teachers.

SLANT - YOU ARE HIGH-SPIRITED, energetic and independent. You have strong opinions and you stick to them, no matter what other people say. You are quite outgoing. You tend to be a leader in your social groups. You are very choosey about who you call your friend. You are quick-moving and active. You have the natural ability to be good at many sports. You may not be much of a team person though, because you hate sticking to a schedule made by someone else. You like to "play things by ear" and see what happens, not plan everything in advance. You love to be the centre of attention. You are also argumentative and may have a hot temper sometimes.

CONCAVE - YOU ARE ADVENTUROUS, curious and intelligent. You have an excellent eye for detail, good people skills and a smart mind. You would make an excellent detective! You are outgoing and friendly. You make friends quite easily. People find you exciting and interesting. You are inquisitive and love to delve into the "why" and "how" of things. When you are fascinated by a problem or social situation, you will not rest until you have analyzed it completely. You are complex and not everyone gets you, but most people like you anyway. You will have an exciting life!

SHARP-ANGLED TIP - YOU ARE CREATIVE, fun and outgoing. Your enthusiastic manner wins you many friends. You have a positive and accepting outlook on life. You are very energetic and talkative. You are able to carry on a conversation on almost any topic. You can always make someone feel comfortable around you. You love attention and you will do your best to get it. Your friendships are very important to you. You fall in love easily and you are a born romantic. You are also a helpful person and your friends know they can come to you to get good advice. You dislike sticking to a schedule, but you probably need one. You are a likable and giving person.

POINT - YOU ARE SPIRITUAL, confident and outgoing. You have a strongly developed spiritual sense, and you might even be a bit psychic! Your curious nature leads you into many interesting situations and friendships. You are an attention-seeker who needs to be noticed. You are self-assured and confident about yourself. You love flattery. You want others to praise you and look up to you. You are somewhat mysterious, and people find this attractive. Many people like you. In love, you are very faithful. You have an open, adventurous attitude to life. You love new situations and you could even have a daredevil nature. You can be lazy occasionally and you often look for the easy way.

P.S. I don't wear lipstick (only occasionally, like 3 times a year maybe) so I don't fall into ANY category ;o) I took these off the internet and don't claim cleverness to come up with it on my own.

13 April 2006


This is my all-time favorite internet joke!

Happy Easter!!!
imsewfunny